I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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