oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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