If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
