My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
