you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
high people should be assigned attendants
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
