I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
