is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
