We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
