are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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