Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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