The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just threw up on my dentist
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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