I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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