You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
