Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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