Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
