Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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