If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE