Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.