you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The best revenge is premature balding
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?