so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.