wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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