So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
