On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
