i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
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NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.