He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.