i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
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Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead