the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?