I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
