then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
