I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
