My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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