she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
