my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
