My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
