Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
