you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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