this just has baby written all over it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
