Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
