Do you still have your period?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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