You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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