Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize