as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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