I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
