After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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