I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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