He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love you. Go after that dick
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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