Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
