that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
