We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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