he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize