Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
