Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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