me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
