M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
