Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
