how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize