I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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