She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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