I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
