Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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