Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
