its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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