dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
