she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
