thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and she was petting her beer can
my shit smells like andre
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
