we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
