There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
